Tips for playing well with others

If you're working to build a healthy relationship with someone else, be it a partner, a friend, a family member, or a coworker, you might notice that the path is fraught with bumps and detours.  For today, let's talk about the four relationship destroyers (as defined by Dr Brad at the Daily Worth):


criticism
             contempt
                             defensiveness
                                                    disengagement

Hugs never hurt, either.

If you really look at your behavior, you will note that at least one of these nasty little guys creeps in upon occasion.  Here's a quick set of tips for consciously cutting the relationship destroyers out of your life.

1) Notice when these nasties creep up on you.  Is it when you feel threatened?  When you don't get what you expect? When you're running late?  During breakfast?  When you didn't get enough sleep?

2) Ask yourself why you default to this behavior.  What is it about the situation that particularly brings these out?

3) Create a scenario in your mind where you are put in one of these aggravating situations.  Now imagine yourself responding in a different way.

4) Take action.  Instead of following your same old script the next time you're in that situation, consciously choose a different response.


Choosing a different response and creating new habits will not happen overnight, but if you can work to change your behavior consistently, you will find that the relationship in question improves significantly.

Any other ideas for changing negative behavior in your relationships?  Share below or shoot me an email.

Your mission: Eat really well for one week and pay attention to how you feel

In the spirit of my last post about how pleasure reinforces good habits, this week's simple step to wellness is about focusing on enjoying eating well and the pleasure that brings.

For one week, eat food that is healthy, fresh, and delicious. Don't count calories or worry about portion sizes.  Just eat good food and enjoy it.




This includes:

lots of fresh vegetables and fruits

whole grains like quinoa, wild rice, millet

Eat protein with little or no processing.  If you eat meat, buy your meat at the farmer's market or from a butcher.  If you don't eat meat, eat fresh, clean dairy and eggs. Sprouted grains are the best way to get protein if you are vegan.  Stay clear of soy products unless they are fermeted (like tamari or tempeh).

Unsweetened (or very lightly sweetened) beverages

Lots of water

Homemade treats made with good ingredients   (now's the perfect time to experiment with that home made creme brule recipe you always wanted to try!)



For this week, notice how your body feels before, during, and after your meals made with whole foods.  As you eat, slow down.  Notice how good the food tastes and really ENJOY EATING.  If you need some recipe tips, check mine out here.

Try this for a week, and let me know how it goes.  Happy eating!

Sticking to your healthy habits: Focus on Immediate Pleasures

Jumping up and down on the beach looks fun. Good idea!

I recently read this article on the 99U, reinforcing that most people don't stick to healthy eating habits or an exercise routine if the only thing they are focused on the long term benefits of those things.

If you want to stick to your exercise and healthy-eating habits, one of the best things that you can do is focus on the immediate positive experiences while you do them.   Notice how great it feels to take that fantastic yoga class with the teacher that you love, or how sumptuous it is to eat a healthy brownie or homemade granola.

In fact, the reason that most people eat junk food, and why obesity is such an issue in this country, is really due to the fact that we like the immediate pleasure of consumption.   The more you focus on the immediate pleasure of making healthy choices instead, the more you're likely to stick to them.   This shift in focus will both help you be present in the world and will also help you feel the short term benefits of making healthy choices.  It can also lessen the overwhelming, unattainable, feeling that we often have when we think of long term goals for ourselves, and generally just makes us happier.  (And who doesn't want that?)


Here are some of my own ideas for enjoyable healthy activities to enjoy this summer.

Taking a long bike ride at sunset.
Biting into the summer's ripest fruit
Sweating during a nice workout at the gym
Resting your mind and body during a yoga class
Hiking to the top of a mountain
Enjoying an active and fun sex life
Eating a delicious homemade treat
Picking berries with a friend

Now, you.  Name one pleasurable, healthy activity that you are going to do this week and happily enjoy!

7 tips to improved body image

Following up on last week's post, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, I wanted to share a few concrete ideas on how you can get out of your head about your body image.  The more you can integrate your mind and your body, the better you will feel.  In the spirit of being healthy physically AND mentally in this image-obsessed culture, here are a few ways that you can feel good about your bod.


1) Stop using the mirror
Go a month without using a mirror, and notice how it makes you feel.  (If you're paranoid, Ask a housemate or a co worker that you trust to be on duty to tell you if you've got green stuff in your teeth.)  There's a great article about this here at whole living magazine.

2) Stop counting calories and weighing yourself
Instead focus on exercise, eating healthy, and taking good care of yourself.   Pay particular attention to how good those things make you feel.

3) Wear clothes that make you feel good
They need not be expensive.  (I get most of mine at thrift stores and at clothing swaps.)  Ladies, I'd like to recommend this fantastic blog, Already Pretty, which focuses on dressing for your body type and feeling good in your own skin.

4) Have more sex
Enjoying your sexuality is a GREAT way to feel good in your body.  I recommend listening to the Savage Love Podcast for tips on how to enjoy your sexuality.   Get playful with your partner or get a new toy for yourself.  You'll feel better, really.

5) Go outside
If you live in a city, go to the park.  If you live in the country, go for a walk in the woods.  Being a part of the world will help you get out of your head.

6) Cancel your magazine subscriptions
Celebrity Magazines, fashion magazines, fitness magazines, and even yoga magazines are usually photoshopped to make the models look skinnier.  Even if you enjoy the articles, the images can worm themselves into your mind, making you think that you need to look like that.  I recommend finding bloggers you like instead. I love this post at fit and feminist, where the author recommends that we stop paying attention to celebrity culture because it only encourages us to objectify our own bodies.

7) Spend time with the people you love
People who feel connected to their community lead happier, longer lives.  If you're feeling crappy about yourself, call someone who you really like and make a date with them.


Have you had success in reducing your judgement of your own body?  I'd love to hear about it! Please share either here or by email.

Stop being mean to yourself

I went to an event last weekend where not one, but three of my female friends casually talked about parts of their bodies that they thought didn't look good.

Look, I get it.  I'm not immune to this way of thinking at all.  I'm a dancer.  I've spent my life in front of mirrors scrutinizing my body in an attempt to get it to perform better.  I've also recently had a baby, so I can criticize the shape of my abdomen all day if I let myself.  For all of us, and women especially, It's easy to look at your (insert body part here) and think bad thoughts.

But, honestly, these thoughts aren't healthy.  We don't need them.  Most of us who have these self-loathing thoughts would never be so mean to someone else.

Unfortunately, this way of thinking is everywhere in our culture, and reinforced in lots of subtle and not-so-sublte ways.  In the documentary Miss Representation, the film maker poses the question, "What would happen if everyone who spends time worrying about how their body looks instead spent that time improving the world?"  A good question, indeed.

So I'm wondering if today we can just all decide to stop.  I mean, really.  Just stop being a jerk to yourself.  And I promise I'll stop being a jerk to myself, too.  Okay?

In the spirit of being a healthy person, take care of your body.
Exercise.  Eat healthy food.  And stop being mean.

5 ways to eat less junk food

All it takes is a little creativity & creativity.

1) Go cold turkey, and have a plan
Going cold turkey might be for you if you're not good at moderation or self-limiting. If you just decide that you are completely going to stop eating junk food, make sure that you have a snack plan.  Are you going to eat fruit instead? Other great options are homemade snacks, healthy crackers, or nuts. You can also try drinking water.


2) Don't keep junk food in your house
If it's not in your home, you (or your housemates or family members) won't go to it as a default.  Again, it's helpful here to have healthy, replacement snacks for when you need to nosh.

3)Ban the vending machine
If you tend to eat the majority of your junk food at work where there is a vending machine, make a rule for yourself that the vending machine is off-limits.

4) Learn how to make your own sweets & savories
Make a rule for yourself that the only snacks you're allowed to have are ones that are home made.  In my household, we've spent several years cultivating our cooking skills.  Instead of boxed cookies and crackers, we now eat homemade granola, homemade cocoa and mocha, lots of fresh fruit and yogurt, homemade fruit & nut bars, fresh whole-grain banana bread, nuts, cheese, homemade coconut-date rolls, house made oat squares, homemade dips, and healthier no-bake cookies.  (I promise to post more of these recipes soon!)

5) Buy snacks that are minimally processed
If you know you aren't going to cook and you want some healthy options for snacks, you can still buy them.  These options are certainly more expensive than regular junk food, but they're also more satisfying and filling.  Great options for savories are Mary's Gone Crackers, Dr Kracker, crispbread, nuts or sprouted bread.  For sweets, fresh fruit and dried fruit are excellent options.  Organic Dark chocolate is low in sugar and has health benefits if eaten in moderation--great brands are green & black, taza, Theo, Equal Exchange, and Scharffen Berger

Related Posts: Which Sweetener is best?, 6 ways to reduce your sugar consumption, 10 ways to reduce portion sizes

The basics: Want to lose weight or get healthier? Stop eating junk food.

And he wonders why he's not seeing results.

At the risk of saying something very, very basic this week...I'm going to say it anyway.

If you're trying to lose weight, or just trying to be healthier, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to cut out the crap.

I tend to write a lot about what TO eat, instead of what not to eat, because,  that wI find that way of thinking about making changes is the most effective.  But you can eat produce, healthy fats and good protein till the cows come home.  If you're still eating junk food, your health and your weight will suffer.

Junk food--even the salty kind--spikes your blood sugar and creates an irregular metabolism, causing your body to create insulin and eventually fat.  The sugar-free stuff is full of chemicals that your liver processes as toxins, impeding its ability to metabolize the food efficiently.  (These foods still cause your body to create fat, as well as cause all kinds of other health problems.)  We know for sure that eating junk food taxes your heart and your gut, and there is increasing evidence to show that eating it also taxes your brain.

We all occasionally have treats, but unfortunately the cycle that most Americans are on is a stress-eating cycle.  We are anxious, stressed, overworked, or underslept, and as a result we feel tired.  We "reward" ourselves for surviving the tough time or the exhaustion by eating garbage and calling it a treat.  The problem is that we do this every day or even multiple times a day.   Junk food is addicting, so when your taste buds and your stomach have some of it, they both crave more.  

A great goal is to wean yourself off sweets and junk snacks so that treats are just that--something special that you eat upon occasion (not even for once a day.)

Here is a basic list of things you should work to take out of your diet.

potato chips
corn chips
chip-like products such as cheetos
fried vegetable snacks (they are actually chips)
soda
diet soda
bottled drinks like sweet tea, energy drinks, etc
bottled juices and juice drinks
packaged cookies
most packaged crackers
microwaved popcorn
candy
candy bars
fruit snacks
packaged cakes like little debbies or twinkies
packaged pastries like poptarts or toaster strudels
packaged donuts and cakes from the deli like entenmenn's
most ice creams
packaged popsicles (even the juice ones are full of HFCS)
ice cream products (in the novelty aisle at the grocery store or from a ice cream truck)
cupcakes
muffins
donuts
fast food


Remember: the bulk of your grocery shopping should be done in the perimeter of the store.  You want to be buying the fresh foods, not the packaged ones.


Have you had success reducing the amount of junk food that you eat?  If so, I would love to hear how you did it!  Post here if you're comfortable, or email me.